Week Four Weigh In!

Today was the week four weigh in. Everyone did a really great job. I can see so many changes in everyone, and they are all working so hard. I had several things happen today. I lost 3 pounds which is really great. Then during the workout I injured my calf muscle. It might be a small tear in the muscle, but it will be fine. Hurt like the devil when it happened, and for a few hours after, but it is feeling much better now. I have been keeping it up and ice on it. I am ready to get moving again tomorrow. I think that the journey to losing weight has so many other side effects to it. For one I believe that it opens your eyes to other things you might not have thought of before. For instance I have learned that I am way too hard on myself. This is something that I am working on, and I know with God’s help I will no longer get to that point where I am so down on myself that it brings about such negative feelings about me and who I am. God has really opened my eyes, that I have treated myself so horrible over these years. I decided last week, that any loss is just that a loss. It is but one stepping stone to the finish line of the rest of my life. It is a good thing, and one that should be received with thanksgiving. I figured out today that to get where I was just four short weeks ago from where I was when Mike was born was just a matter of gaining one pound a month. I was in such denial at that time that it was not even funny. I guess I figured if I hid under baggy clothes and never looked at a scale it would all go away. That’s what I did. I had a scale in my house, but I never got on it. I did not want to see the number before me. I just ignored it. Had I taken the time to look then, cutting out some of the things I was eating would have saved me from being where I am today. Adding exercise would have helped. Had I taken those steps then, I would be in a different place than I am now. However God doesn’t make mistakes, He has a reason that I am here now. I might not know what it is now, but its there. Romans 12:2 says; And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. When my journey is over and I am at my goal weight, I will then be able to become the person that God made me to be. That weight loss will and transformation of me will show the glory of God. I am looking forward to that day even if it takes two more years. The time will pass whether I make good choices or bad ones, so I have decided to make good choices every day. I know that He is with me, because He has promised to never forsake me.

Carrie

Craving Old Favorites!

Ok I have to give props to my hubby first and foremost. Everyday this week he has fixed a very clean and good dinner for me after my workout. He said that he would do that for me until the 12 weeks are over. Thanks and I love you babe! Now a funny thing happened to me today. As I was driving home from my workout out, I started wanting some of my old favorites. Mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, pinto beans, cornbread, fried catfish, chicken, biscuits and gravy, and I could go on and on, but I won’t. So instead of deciding that I would break my streak of eating healthy, I decided that I was going on a search. In my clean eating magazine they have recipes for clean mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and a not really fried fried chicken. So I have decided to make each of these recipes in the next couple of days and that way I can have them, but not the way that I used to. I am still looking for a clean cornbread recipe. No such luck on a clean recipe for fried fish. When I found healthy versions of my old favorites I felt like the all All-State commercial “we got you covered”, or Apple “there’s an app for that”. My boys however are not to hip on the healthier versions of their old favorites. They are all asking when they can have real food again. They don’t realize that what they were eating before was the fake food. I hope that they will get used to it soon.

Carrie

Still in for now.

So I lost two pounds this past week. I did find out today that I was not eliminated. So I am in for at least one more week. I was visibly upset after I weighed in, but not because I was upset that I lost two pounds. I am very grateful that I had a loss and I think that two pounds is great. I was upset because of all the hard work I put into the past week. I can not possibly imagine that eating 1200 calories, working out two and half hours each day, drinking over a gallon of water, and various other things, would produce such a small weight loss. I was going for nine, but hey two is better than none, or than gaining, which is what I had thought was going to happen in the beginning. So I am glad that I lost, and looking forward to another week of working of hard and eating right. This is a lifestyle change for me and I am looking forward to living the rest of my life in a healthy way. I want to say thank you to Robert for walking with me on Sunday. Wow! He is an awesome motivator. I still plan to be able to get into that pair of jeans by end of this. I am going to eat out of my clean eating magazines this week, drink my protein shakes, and of course continue to workout each day. I can’t make it to the gym twice a day, but I will be working out at home in the morning and then at the gym in the afternoon. I plan on keeping the sugar low, and the carbs lower as well. I also have a doctor’s appointment this week because even though I know that I should be feeling so much better from eating right and exercising I still feel terrible physically. I believe that I am getting stronger, but I just feel blah. I have a B-12 deficiency, so it might be low again. If that is the case it is an easy fix, and I will feel good in no time. Sorry I have not updated in a while, things have just been crazy. I will try and keep updating regularly. Thanks for all the support! To my fellow biggest losers, you guys are doing great. I am so proud of each and every one of you. No matter what never give up and keep going strong. You will all reach your goals I know it.

Carrie

A Good Girl Scout is Always Prepared!

Ok, so I am not a Girl Scout, but I was one in my younger days. Therefore I really should know that a good Girl Scout is always prepared. First let me tell you that I learned two different things today. Both are good, but the first one has nothing really to do with being prepared. I was sitting my car waiting to pick up my boys from school. I had picked up a magazine a few days ago and I was reading it. I turned to this page with the most beautiful, decadent, scrumptious triple chocolate cake ever on it. I am a baker by heart, so I knew that this cake would taste so dreamy. My first thought normally would be I have to make this cake. It is going to taste so good. Guess what my first thought was today? I said hum I wonder how many grams of sugar is in a serving size of this cake. That was followed by the calories, and then the fat grams. You are never going to guess what is in a serving size of that cake! There are 71 grams of sugar, 1,100 calories, and 34 grams of fat in ONE slice of cake. Not the whole cake, but ONE slice of cake! Come on, I said that has to be a misprint. After picking my chin off the floor board of the car, I just turned the page and kept reading on. Before looking at that I did have the thought that I could make it after the contest is over and have one slice and then send the rest of it to work with my Mom. Not now, I would not even eat half, or take a couple of bites of that cake. I would not have even read the nutrition facts on that cake three weeks ago; I would have just made it and ate it. I cringe at the thought of how much sugar I was putting in my body. Now if I can get to the doctor and get my B-12 issue fixed, I am sure I will feel so much better.




Now about being a good Girl Scout, and being prepared. I went to the gym early today at 5pm, because I had conference to go to at 7pm. The last time I ate was around 2pm. I knew that I would be in class at 5 and did not want anything heavy on my stomach (which I am glad I did that since class kicked major butt today, I would have thrown up). My thought was I would have time to grab a quick snack before heading out. Well I was wrong. So by the time, I left the conference and got to my parents to pick up the boys, I am starving to death. I am so used to eating 5 small meals a day, that going that long made me sick. If you were around me at this time, I want to apologize as I was very, very, grouchy. The thoughts that were going through my head were, just stop and grab a burger and fries, it is just one time, and it won’t hurt once. I thought I am so hungry by the time I get home and fix something it is going to be Midnight. As soon as those thoughts came in, I sent them out. I decided that I was going home and making something to eat. I knew I had a lot to do, but I started thinking about how I was going to get it done on the way home. I called my hubby told him to put the oven on 400. As soon as I walked in, I cut up one small potato into fries, popped them in the oven (which thanks to said hubby was preheated and ready), threw my clothes in the wash, and jumped in the tub. By the time I was finished with my bath, the fries were done and the clothes were ready to go in the dryer. I then took out some leftover chicken breast out of the fridge and ate it with my healthy fries. So now as I write this, the clothes are almost dry, my tummy is no longer empty, and I am almost done with my 2nd gallon of water for today. Just a few more sips, and I can take a few minutes to reflect on the day and hit the hay. So the lesson learned today. Always be prepared with some healthy snacks that can be taken in the car, this way the desperate feeling of what I am going to eat will not creep in and take over. Trust me this can make one a very evil person, just ask the people around me this evening.

Carrie

Planning and Tweaking!

I am hoping to make some tweaks here and there in my diet (don’t worry they are all good for me tweaks). I know that I can make it better than it is right now, and that is what I want to focus on for the next few days. I want to add some more exercise in, but I always get scared when thinking about it. It is not that I am not sure I can do it or not. I know that I can do it. I am afraid that if I burn too much, and then leave my calories where they are, then I will gain, or not lose very much. I also worry that if I up my calories any, then I will also not lose or gain. Today I walked a mile!!!!! Can you believe it a whole mile. I am starting to realize things I thought I couldn’t do, guess what? I can do them. Don’t get me wrong boot camp is still kicking my butt! Example conversation tonight, as I did a wall squat and thought my legs were going to fall right off my body. Actually that would have been a relief.


Kristen: How you doing Carrie?

Carrie: Hurting.

Kristen: Aww I am sorry?

Carrie: Somehow I am not sure you really mean that.

You know I love ya Kristen. Thanks Kristen for an awesome and memorable workout. Tonight was legs, and mine are so sore it is a workout I will not soon be forgetting. It was fun though. Who knows what lies in store for us tomorrow night? Oh and if I can ever get my husband to take some pictures I am going to post them on here. I wanted to do every two weeks for picture updates, but I guess I will have to make it every three weeks now. Plus I will have to find good pictures of me before I started. That might be a little hard to do since I hate the camera and I hate to have my picture taken.
Carrie

Channel 12's Following Chattanooga Biggest Losers

Here is the video for Channel 12 that has a small part with me. Robert's story is on here also, and it is really touching. He is a great encouragement to all of us, and he has been a great help to me. Thanks Robert. You are doing such a great job and I know that you will be a success.

http://wdef.com/fit_february_the_motivation_of_robert_starnes

Drum Roll Please........

Ok the official report is in. First off each person did a great job and each one of them should be very proud. I lost 7 pounds this week. It was not double digits, but I am happy with it. I had a really hard and stressful week, and so I am ok with it. I am really glad it was a loss and not a gain. I was afraid with the stress it would be a gain. I started this not expecting to win, and I told myself that I would not be upset if I did not. I believe that I won just by being picked and getting this opportunity which is a once in a life time one. However, in the past week and after this last weigh in, I have become a little more confident in my abilities. The thought popped into my head that I have a chance here. So I have decided that instead of giving this 110%, I am going to kick it into high gear and give it everything I have to give. If I have to sweat blood in the gym, then I will do it. I do have a competitive side and I believe that it is peeking around the corner. I have never had a lot of confidence in myself, but I am hoping that this will improve as these next few weeks go on. It has been brought to my attention also that I do not smile a lot. I guess it comes from years of being unhappy with me, and it will just take time to adjust to the new me coming out. To all my fellow contestants you are doing such a great job, and I can see so many changes in each of you. It has been such an amazing experience sharing this journey with you, and I look forward to the next 10 weeks with each of you.

The lead this week goes to Dr. Adams with 20 pounds lost and 6.88% body weight, second place goes to Josh with a 5.2 pound loss and 1.73%, and third place is me with 7 pounds loss and 1.57%. We got another break and no one was eliminated. That is the good news. The bad news is that two people will be eliminated next week. I have to keep it going strong this week so I am not one of them. I think I can...I think I can....I think I can.

Carrie

Sunday Update

Ok, so I know that I have not blogged in a few days. I am very sorry, but this week has been so stressful. So before we get started let me apologize in advance for a long entry. I am here to tell you that week 2 of starting a healthy lifestyle and losing weight must be a lot like the third day of an illness. It is the worst week of all. A very wise person once told me that when all of my physical symptoms disappeared another ugly creature would rear its head. This person was so right. I physically do not want cookies, cakes, and desserts, but my mind is telling me “yes you do”! I can not begin to tell you how the Recess Peanut Butter Hearts were calling to me at the Wal-Mart check out Friday. I am happy to report that they did not win, I just walked right pass them, bought some extra sugar free gum, and left. I had to tell myself that it was not worth it. I did enjoy some steel oats with chocolate protein powder, and a little amount of natural peanut butter for breakfast the next day. Not quite a Recess Heart, but it will do just fine. I do have a new goal that I want to let everyone know about. I have a pair of jeans that I would love to slip right into at the end of these 12 weeks. I am going to be working towards that goal from here on out. I know that I am getting stronger, but I don’t feel that way yet. I am sure it will come soon and I am not getting discouraged by that. So here is a quick recap of the past few days. At Friday’s workout I strained an AB muscle, so I have to take it easy with AB exercises for a little while. Don’t worry I am still working hard. Workouts have been great and I was glad that Cara and James came out today to exercise and support me. Thanks guys, it means more than I can say. One lesson I have learned this week. Don’t go to a work out with pants that are too big. It came to my attention on the way out of the Wal-Mart on Friday that I was losing my pants. I did not have time to go home and change, so to the workout I go. A lovely person let me borrow a pony tail holder to tie them off, but at least I found myself holding them for dear life during the whole workout. After the workout off to Wal-Mart to buy new pants and face the dreaded Recess Hearts. Again, I made it past the candy without giving in, and bought new pants to workout in one size smaller than before. Now for the moment of suspense, I will not be posting about the weigh in today, until the official report comes out. So stay tuned to see how I did.
Carrie

I Got A Beat Down!

Tonight I officially consider my butt kicked. Tonight’s workout was so hard. I hope that I am getting stronger, but I just don’t see it. Maybe if I was on the outside looking in then I could see the difference. I have set a new goal for myself today. When I was looking through some things I found a pair of jeans that I have wanted to wear for a long time. When this 12 week journey is up, I plan on wearing those jeans. My hope is not to be just able to get them on, but to feel good in them. I am stepping up my workouts, by adding things at home. I hope that next week I will be able to go to the gym for two workouts a day. I am hoping that by adding these at home workouts it will get me up to speed to do two in the gym. I am already scared of the scale this week, because I have had issues with my not eating enough times a day. I keep telling myself that eating the right things is great. That there will be set backs and problems, but just to pick up and start again the next meal. That is what I have been doing, but it just seems like it might mess me up. I know it seems like all the posts are short and uninteresting the past few days, but I just have not been feeling well. I hope I am up to par this weekend.

Carrie

And The Roller Coaster Ride Continues

Well, let’s just say that the emotions for today were better than yesterday. I know that there are some people out there who read this and think what a wimp. Then I know sometime who read think wow she knows exactly how I feel. It truly is hard to make a life style change. I do know that it is for the best which is what keeps me going forward with it. Ok, so it is also because the entire tri-state area is watching as well. This is going to be a short post, because I am tired and need my rest and it is really late. I do want to say that I know that I could not do this without the wonderful support of my fellow contestants, Thanks guys! The food choices were not the best today, but they were not the worst either. I will pick up and continue with the plan tomorrow morning. Time passes anyway, so I might as well make use of it for the good. This is what I am doing, with CBL. Tonight’s workout was hard for me, but I got through it. I can’t wait until I start feeling stronger. I know that I will, and I am sure in many ways I am already stronger, but I can’t wait to really feel it. I am sure that it will feel amazing.

Carrie

A Horrible No Good Very Bad Day!

First I want to correct my weight loss. I thought that I heard 15 pounds, but I guess the excitement was too much and I of course made a mistake. It was actually 13.6 pounds. Well that just stinks. I was upset when I thought it was 15 and so now I am pouring over my food journal and looking at the exercise I did on Saturday trying to figure out where I went wrong. I weighed on Thursday (which I will not be doing anymore) and it was 17 pounds down. So I really messed up somewhere because that means I gained 3.4 of the 17 back. I hope that makes sense. Well today was a horrible no good very bad day for me. It turns out that one member of my family does not seem to want to be a team player even for the 12 weeks. I am not sure why, but I do know that it is starting to really upset me. I spent most of the day in tears, and it felt really great to take out all that stress at the gym. I did leave most of it there, but not all of it. I fear the next 11 weeks are going to be a bumpy ride. I am just hoping that it does not affect my weight loss. I know stress is no good. It seems that now that I can not go out to eat and stay out all day shopping and playing and then going out to eat, that I am just not worthy to be around. I hate to tell this person, but this is a lifestyle change for me, and I will not be turning back. They seem to think that when the contest is over everything will go back to the way it was. I guess when you talk about something for years and that is all it is, talk; but when you decide to act on the talk, things are not the same. When you live what you talk things are not so cut and dry. It is a give and take relationship. Sometimes you have to give something up to get something much better in return. I guess it can be hard to do for someone who has never been in my shoes. I would give up just about anything to be healthy and finally be and feel normal. That is all I want to say about this issue at the moment, but please pray that things get better and work out ok. I have also figured out that a lot of losing weight is a mental process. I believe that I can actually say that at least for me, the weight was not about the food. There is something deeper and I plan on exploring that and fixing it so that I can move on. Maybe some of that can be found in the fact that I am a little hard on myself. I try not to be, but when I know I can do better, it just tears me up. I know that this is a long journey that is just beginning for me and will take some time to come to an end, it is one that I am so thankful to sharing with 11 other wonderful people. You guys really rock!

Carrie

And your current weight is..........

Wow! Today was a day full of all sorts of emotions. It was our first weigh in to see how much we had lost this past week. I first want to say I am so amazed by my teammates. They all worked so very hard. Everyone did great. You guys are great and I have enjoyed our first week together and looking forward to the next 11. I am proud of you guys! I won’t keep you waiting any longer for my weight loss for week one, which was 15 pounds. I know that is good and I should be happy about it. First reason is it’s a loss. The next is I hit one of my goals already, which was to hit double digits at least 10 of the weeks. So in week number one I pulled a double digit. However, my problem was in eating not exercising. I did so well all week long, and then on Saturday night I had some ham and I guess not enough water. I think that the sodium I had been watching so close all week was the issue. I am going to start monitoring it more closely this week along with making sure that I drink more than a gallon of water. Today started another week, and so now it is time to look back at last week and see where I can improve on things. It is all about tweaking what is working to make sure it gets better for here on out. I am not expecting to lose 15 pounds every week of course, but I want to get the maximum results each week. At the beginning of this I was really unsure if I could do this or not. By Wednesday it was half and half. I woke up and thought I am so hungry and really want something from a restaurant like O’Charleys, but I took a hot bath, relaxed, and took my mind off it. When I got out of the tub, I had a whole different mindset. I just knew that I could make it. I thought I know I can make it until Sunday. I believe that anyone can do anything for a week. I said once the week was over, I would see if I could go another week, and just take it a week at a time. That is what I did, and now something unexpected has happened. I know that I will do it. The struggle is becoming easier and easier each day. I am trying something new this week and hope that it does not bite me in the butt. I am going to use a recommended cookbook to make each of the three main meals. Each of the dinners I know that the kids and hubby will love them. I can keep everyone happy and make sure that I do not sacrifice taste. We will see how the weight loss goes this next week after making this adjustment. I might have to go back to doing the plain, bland, stuff for the rest of the 10 weeks if it backfires. I was interviewed by Channel 12 today; it should air on either Wednesday or Thursday at 6. I am a bit goofy as cameras make me nervous, but hey at least I did not run from them. I hate cameras of any kind because I hate how I look on video and in pictures. I am changing that of course and have added another goal to my list. I want to be comfortable with my picture being taken so that I actually have some, especially of me and David, me and the kids, and the whole family. I will be sure and keep everyone updated each day about what is going on. Thanks for the support!

Carrie

First weigh in jitters!

PLEASE EXCUSE THAT THIS IS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS. I AM ON MY IPOD AND THE CAPS BUTTON IS STUCK FOR SOME REASON. PLEASE FORGIVE ANY ERRORS AS WELL DUE TO NOT BEING ON MY COMPUTER. TODAY WAS REALLY WERID. IT WAS ALL UP TO ME WHAT I DID. I DECIDED TO DO A WORKOUT ON THE WII AND DO SOME ON THE BIKE AND SOME ON THE BALL. AS I WRITE THIS I AM REALLY SCARED ABOUT WHAT THE SCALE WILL SAY. HAVE I DONE ENOUGH? SCARED I BLEW IT TODAY WITH TO MUCH SODUIM. I MADE SURE TO DRINK EXTRA WATER BUT IS THAT ENOUGH? WE WILL FIND OUT AT 2. I AM REALLY HOPING FOR DOUBLE DIGITS, I HAVE BEEN WORKING SUPER HARD. WELL DUE TO BEING ON THE IPOD I WILL END FOR NOW. LOOK FOR AN UPDATE  THIS EVENING.

The fear of sugar and other simlar foods and the envy of the fit skinny women who can eat whatever they wish and never gain a pound.

I would like to know why, when I decide to change my life and start eating the right things and exercising, everywhere I look I see skinny women who are in shape saying they can eat anything they want all the time and never gain weight. It drives me crazy (no offense to any of you who God blessed like this). I was talking to a woman the other day who told me she could eat anything all day everyday and as long as she exercises an hour a day she never gains a pound. Boy I would like to know how I can get in on that deal. Also it seems that every time I go somewhere there is some super fit lady sitting in a car next to mine eating a Big Mac, fries and a coke. This is not fair. I know that sometimes life just isn’t fair, but come on, this really stinks big time. I have heard people say that it will catch up with them one day. I don’t really believe that, and believe me I when I say that I don’t hate them, I just envy them a little. Oh well, I guess that I will just have to adjust to the fact that I will never be able to eat whatever I want whenever and look like a super model.
One thing that I can tell you is that I have over the past week become scared to death of the following items; sugar, sodium, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats (if you are not the label police the food companies can really trick you believe me when the label says 0 trans fat that is usually a lie), and white products such as white flour, bread, rice, and pasta. I have been carefully monitoring everything that I put into my mouth and now I fear have become somewhat obsessed over these things. My wonderful husband fixed dinner tonight while I was working out. He had it waiting on me when I got home. It was turkey breast in some sort of sauce, can we say death by sodium and sugar. Then there were the veggies that he had that were steamed in a cheese sauce, which as we all know is a no go. Then there was the huge and I mean huge baked potato that rivals the portions that one gets in a restaurant. What in the world was I to do? Do I eat and not complain and gain weight, or do I say something. I of course made the wrong decision. I said honey I really appreciate this but the sugar and sodium in these things are not something I can eat. This is the point where he looked at me with those puppy dog eyes and looked like he was going to cry and said but…. There is only 50 calories in the broccoli with cheese sauce, and the potato is healthy and you can have it especially after a workout, the turkey only has 400mg of sodium and 4g of sugar. All of these things will be ok and I worked so hard on it. It is at this point I say ok but if I eat this and gain weight Sunday it’s your fault. Then he replied ok I will take the blame (which I of course could not let him do, as the decision was mine to make and I know what is right and what is not). So of course I ate a very small amount of the turkey and a little bite of broccoli and then I cut the potato in half (nothing on it but a few spritz of spray butter) and that was my dinner. Not only this but when we stopped at the gas staion for me to use the restroom (which to just to let you know when you drink a gallon of water everyday you have to go quite often) he bought my two boys both candy bars what in the world could he be thinking? I could smell the chocolate in the front seat. I assure you however I did not cave I stayed strong. The husband of course bought a fiber one bar for himself, to which he offered me some. I picked up the package and of course there is HFCS, sugar, and more sugar. There was also trans fat in it. So there again not even one bite for me of that either.What an afternoon. Later while we were talking he said you can not be so afraid to eat these things. At least try to eat things that do not contain added sugars and just keep a check on the sodium levels. I have realized that I am going to have to work harder next week finding foods that I enjoy eating. Not sure how much longer I can live on chicken breast, brown rice, turkey sandwiches on bread that has no taste, and eggs (man I hate eggs). The fact that I have not had anything chocolate or sweet at all this week is also starting to weigh on my mind. How the heck does one find a dessert that tastes great and is good for you as well? Maybe such a dessert does not exist. Anyway for now I think that my fear of the above mentioned items will have to stick around, for a while at least.

Carrie

Workout Torture!

Tonight was like being in a medieval torture chamber. The workout was brutal and with bands. I think that bands should be thrown out of the gym. I did not think that I was going to make it through any of it. I know that I rested more tonight than last night. I think it was due mostly to the type of exercises we were doing which killed my back. I am cheering for my back to get better really soon. Seriously people if you want a killer workout, come to Ignite Fitness and let Kristen kick your butt. I can promise that you will be hurting in the workout, and wish you had not come, but I can also tell you that the sense of accomplishment after your done is the best feeling there is. I have to take a minute to say thank you to Kristen and Kevin. These are two very special and great people. There are too many folks in the world today who don’t care about others. When everyone I went to for help said I was a lost cause, When they told me there was nothing else they could do for me, when I was told that I was a waste of air for someone who deserved to be here living and breathing, they believed in me. They cared about me enough to give me the chance of lifetime. They are helping give my life back to me. I promise that I will not waste this opportunity. I will maximize every minute I have. I might not be able to make it through the entire workout doing the same thing that everyone else is doing, but I will keep doing something, and I will eventually get to where I can do it all. I will keep going forward and never give up. I CAN do this! For the first time in a really long time I actually believe I can do it. Thanks so much! It’s hard to believe that in three days the first week will be over. I can only imagine that the next 11 are going to fly by as well.

Update on the headache: it is finally easing up YAY! My hope is that I will be headache free by tomorrow.

Carrie

Could things be looking up already?

I suppose that things are getting somewhat better in the gym. My back is getting somewhat better while exercising. I am hoping that by the end of the next week, I will not have any pain in my back. I can handle a lot, but the type of back pain I am experiencing is just too much. It will not cause me to give up, but I am just praying that it will get better soon. Class was tough tonight, ok tough is being really, really, really, nice. Even so I did enjoy myself. I decided that I needed a small reward for myself tonight. I have been working harder than I have in many years, and I have totally come off Pepsi and sugar. Normally when I reward myself it is with food. I of course did not want to do that, so I decided to have the evening to myself. When I got home I let the hubby take over with the kids. I went into my bathroom locked the door, ran a hot bubble bath and soaked for an hour. It was wonderful and now I feel better. What a nice reward! Sometimes I just know that I can do this and others I wonder and the fear starts to creep in. I have realized that fear does not control me or my life. If I let it, then that is when I fail. I do like water, but even for someone who likes it, plain water all the time can get boring. I found a healthy solution that is really good. I bought some frozen strawberries (make sure there is no sugar added to them and that they are not in a syrup). If you put them in the fridge over night to thaw they form a juice. Take the strawberries, juice from one to two lemons and mix that into the water, and I promise it tastes just like strawberry lemonade. It is so good. I love it. I will not drink it all the time, but I will do that to make things different. Twelve weeks seems so far away and the goal seems impossible, but what is the alternative? If I do nothing then twelve weeks from now things are at best the same, worse case they are worse. By doing this and changing my life I will have accomplished something after twelve weeks. They will not be wasted.
Carrie

Frustrated and Worried

Today’s workout was great. I really look forward to it everyday. I am getting really frustrated. I spent last night in tears because I look around at everyone in the class, and they can do so much more than I can. I just want to jump in there and go at it full speed ahead, but with my back in so much pain I am afraid of really hurting it and then being out of commission for the next 11 weeks. I have eliminated all caffeine and sugar from my diet so I am dealing with this really killer headache that just will not go away. I give props to my all my friends who are going through this same thing right now and going to work everyday. I know that today I just had to pull the shades, crawl into bed, and pull the covers over my head to try and make it stop. Needless to say as I write this now it is still pounding like crazy. I know it will get better and I know that I can push through it. Getting all of my water in is getting a lot better, but I am still struggling with my food. It really scares me how this is going to affect my weight loss this week. I am trying so hard and trying to get really adjusted to all of the new information and the workouts and I am terrified. What if I fail? This runs through my head everyday. Why is eating five times a day and certain things so hard to do? I can’t let this beat me. I want to get strong, healthy, and fit. I want to be all that God made me to be. I think that I might just have to make my food simple and boring. I think that means making my breakfast and lunches the same everyday for a while. I think that it can not hurt to try it, as I need to find something to help. I am looking forward to working out tomorrow, you never know what is in store, but I welcome it. Sorry that I can not write any more tonight, but with my head pounding I want to try and do something other than looking at the computer screen. I can’t sleep so I think that I am going to just try and lay down and close my eyes, the dark cool room I am sure will help somewhat.
Carrie

Great workout, Killer headache, and issues with food oh my!

Here I thought that the hardest part of starting a healthy lifestyle would be the exercise part. Since I know me so well (or at least I thought I did) I just knew I would dread going to exercise. I could not have been so wrong. I looked forward to going today and now I am looking forward to going tomorrow. I can not do everything that the rest of the class is doing yet, but I know that as I keep working hard I will get there. The killer thing for me is not even drinking water. I just replaced all my Pepsi and Cokes during the day with water plus a little more. No problem. Food is a big issue. When I say issue, what I mean is I am having a problem eating more than a couple times a day. Before I would not eat until mid-afternoon and sometimes it would be dinner time before I ate. When I did it would be a small meal, big dinner, and a couple of snacks before bed. Sunday was the only day of the week that I had a normal schedule. I would eat breakfast that day, lunch, snack, dinner, and another snack. I will be ok once I get used to the planning, shopping, and preparing ahead of time. I was bad about stopping at the store and picking up that day’s dinner to fix. As far as today goes the workout was killer, my legs are on fire. I really did enjoy it even if I do not look like it. I just get crazy frustrated that my back gives me such problems that I can not do everything everyone else is doing all the time. I have had a terrible headache since about 2pm and no clue why. I am pretty sure that there is no way that no caffeine or sugar today could already be causing said headache. Well, tomorrow I am going to try to get some walking done in the morning and then butt kicking at 6.

I have to say something about my new shoes. I never pay more than $10 for my shoes, and most of the time they are given to me. I knew that I needed new shoes in order to exercise so I gave in and went and bought some. I of course tried to get the cheapest shoe they had in the store. So my wonderful husband gave me this pair and told me to try them on. I did, and let me tell you, I felt like I was walking on clouds. They were awesome. So when I asked the price he changed the subject. Needless to say they were $70!!!! See I would have never tried on shoes that cost that much. He tricked me and now I was in love with them. So guess what? I bought them. I have to admit they are great, and they have roll bars in them. Who would have thought shoes had roll bars, but you know what for that price they should do the work for you.

Carrie

First Workout and Weigh in

Today was a very nerve racking day for me. It was my first Biggest Loser workout and I was not sure what to expect. As you can see since I am writing this I did not die. This thought had entered my mind that I might not make it out alive. I did make it through the first workout, but sadly not without accommodations. I had to sit for the last of the workout and do exercises sitting down. I felt like a failure before I even started. Everyone else did not seem to have a problem doing the workout. My back was coming apart. I am extremely committed to the whole process. I know that Kristen and Kevin will not give up on me, and they know that I can do this as well. I was able to get some exercises to help strengthen my back (thanks Kristen) and I have already done them since being home. I know that getting stronger is a process, and we all have to start somewhere. The point is that I am starting and I will finish and finish strong. You guys will not even recognize me after 12 weeks =) I had a lot of fun (even though it might not have looked like it, trust me I did have fun). I really enjoyed meeting everyone and making some great friends. Thanks for all your support today. This is a great bunch of people and I know that we will all do great! The weigh in was public and believe it or not that did not bother me at all. I pretty much knew where my number was, but I was not sure because I do not have a scale. Today just put it all in perspective. I had debuted over and over again if I should put my weight on here, but I think that I have to. All of you know by looking at me that I am extremely heavy. It is just a number; it does not define who I am. Besides, this is the last time I will ever see it again. From here on out it is down hill. So here goes drum roll please….. and the starting weight for me is 447.2. Not a pretty number at all, but one that made me realize that it’s now or never and never is not an option. Today brought up a lot of emotions for me, and I am sure this is just the beginning. I can tell you that after today when I got home and looked at the last candy heart and a Pepsi in the fridge I thought about eating and drinking them. Then a funny thing happened. I thought why? Is it worth it? No it is not worth it at all. I can not believe it, but I just did not want it. It no longer had the same appeal to me that it did even last night. Guess what I had instead? I had water and some air popped popcorn. So I am looking forward to tomorrow’s workout and I am excited about moving forward everyday. Thanks for the support.
Carrie