And the pit gets deeper.........

First let me say that I don't normally throw myself a pity party, I don't believe in it, but I wanted to write about some things that I have been going through these past couple of months in hopes that it might help someone else. Maybe it will let people who feel the same way I do, realize that they are not alone. I have been in a deep and dark hole these past couple of months. Some of you might have suspected something like this and others maybe thought everything was OK. If you know me then you know that I have a problem with my stomach. The right side of my stomach falls below my knee and is extremely heavy. My left side is not this way at all. I feel like I am lugging around a 100 pound anchor. It has really affected my quality of life beyond my wildest imagination. I desperately want to be out there doing things, and exercising (yes I have grown to love it), but I just can't with this problem. It puts immense pressure on my back and my knee. Walking and even standing has grown increasingly difficult. I even don't want to go to church anymore because I have to stay seated while everyone else stands for the music and so forth. I know that everyone around me understands, but it really embarrasses me and is very upsetting. I did not have a lot of self confidence as it was and now I have lost even more of what I did have. I have become somewhat of a recluse, as I do not go out of the house unless it is to go to family member's houses. I avoid all that I can when it comes to going out. I have been to so many doctors to find out what is wrong and none of them seem to want to help. They all just say lose weight, but not being able to move around and exercise makes this extremely hard. So I finally found a doctor who would listen and cared. She thought after a major infection I had in my stomach that it might be lymphedema and sent me to a specialists. Well as it turns out this is what it is and what do you know it can be made better and managed so I can get my life back. I was on my knees thanking God as He put all of these people in my life so I could find out what was wrong. However due to all the changes in insurance my insurance no longer covers the visits to a specialist as a copay. With myself out of work right now, and my husband home on decreased pay I am not able to pay the office visit or meet my $2500 deductible and therefore will not be able to get the treatment needed. So needless to say I feel like I am back in my pit and wondering where it ends and waiting to see the light at the end of tunnel. I know that God never puts more on us than we can handle, and I also know that there is a lesson in here for me to learn. I write this because even though they will never hear me those in power need to know that this health care is causing so many of us to suffer without cause. Just last year my insurance would have paid this with just a copay. Maybe God is just reminding me of my complete dependence on Him. Whatever the lesson I know it will be well worth the pain and struggles I am going through now. I just needed an outlet to get everything out and felt that this would be the place to do so. If you have gone through or are going through anything like this I would love to hear how you are doing. I know that through Christ all things are possible. I will keep the faith and keep crawling toward the top of that pit with as much joy as I can. Thank you to all my friends and family who are so supportive of me. You guys rock and I love you all!