The Flu Yuck!

This is really frustrating. I have the flu, and so I can not workout at the gym, I don’t feel like eating anything, and so I just want to cry. I was hoping to bounce back at this next weigh in with a big number on the scale. Not sure that is going to happen this week now. I felt ok with the small weight gain, as some tried to tell me it might be muscle, and some were just nice and said I was doing great. However, Monday I sat in my car in the parking lot of a local fast food restaurant for a while, trying to decide if it was worth it or not. I guess the part of me that uses food to deal with disappointment was creeping in. I have often started a “diet” and then after a couple of weeks just could not take eating the food anymore and then blew it. I of course then felt like I had just ruined the weeks of eating good so I said I could go ahead and enjoy anything I wanted. Before I knew it I was already back to my old ways. For all of you sitting on the edge of your seat wondering if I ate. Well, I didn’t I just started the car and started driving. I knew something was different, and that was this is not a diet, this is a lifestyle change. I also know that I will never be perfect 100% of time. I know there are going to be those days when I eat something I should not, and birthdays, and holidays. What is different is that I can make the choice to not eat as much, to pick and choose the best things out there, and to even eat before I go. It is not a lost cause by any means. I can pick up and start all over again, because I know that I have a new life and a new way of living. I am strong and I can do so much more than I have given myself credit for in the past. With God’s grace and mercy I will keep moving forward and I will be a winner in my own life. I still plan on getting into those jeans by the end of this contest. I still plan on winning the biggest winner contest. Thank you to all my biggest loser family, without you guys I could have never gotten this far. Not to get all sappy on you guys, but the high fives, the pep talks, and having someone who just wants to listen when I need to talk and understands what I am going through means so much to me. Same with you Kristen, everyone I talked to and went to for help before you and Kevin said I was a lost cause. I was not worth helping and I didn’t deserve it. You believe in me and you have taught me I am worth it. I can never repay you for what you have done for me so far, and I know that when this is over words will not even come close to what I need to say. Thank you from the bottom of my heart everyone. To all of my dear family and friends, you guys R-O-C-K, ROCK. The kind words, thoughts, and prayers you are sending my way mean so very much. I love you guys!
Carrie